masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my shit smells like andre
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
