literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
