Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
