Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
