saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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