i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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