He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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