FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
