I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
false alarm. still invincible.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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