I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
