i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
