She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
