Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
