we have pet lesbian snakes
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
