Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
