But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
