I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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