At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
