SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize