i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
