He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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