I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
