Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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