Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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