WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
