If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
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I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
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I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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