I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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