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• (810): View more from Michigan

  i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said

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• (972): View more from Texas

  I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it

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• (518): View more from New York

  I can feel the alcohol in my calves

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?

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• (760): View more from California

  Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.

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• (585): View more from New York

  I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?

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