Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
