Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
