i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
