My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
