its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
