So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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