grandma shit on top of the toilet
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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