My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
