Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need a hoe opinion
go on
All the doctor said was why
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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