I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
