So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
