Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
