dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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