Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
