The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
