I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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