I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
