Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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