Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize