Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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