i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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