someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
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I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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