You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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