the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
