My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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