I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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