I am puke
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
