He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
