so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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