So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
