Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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