As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize