I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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