Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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