Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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