Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
