Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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