i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
