I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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