I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
