I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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