Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
