Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
please come you make the beer taste better
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
