this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
