i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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