we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I think my fart just growled at me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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